The Slobs and The Bobs and Stinking Isabelle

Eternal Sunshine #61 Available - February 2012 Issue

2012-01-31T02:41:58Z

The latest issue of Eternal Sunshine is now available for download. It contains the usual foolishness, games, interviews, letters, columns, and everything else you've come to expect from the worst publication in the universe (including the new Abyssinian Prince).

You can find it in the Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at:

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/

or in the Diplomacy section of my personal website (in both html and pdf format) at:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links to ES #61:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es61.pdf

html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/eshtml61.htm

Check it out!

Eternal Sunshine #60 Now Available - January 2012 Issue

2012-01-03T01:26:01Z

The January 2012 issue of Eternal Sunshine, #60, is now available. You can find it in the Yahoo group, or in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Columns, letters, games, contests, and some new game openings!

Direct links at:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es60.pdf
html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml60.htm

Check it out, and participate!

Enjoy!

Diplomacy World #116 Released - Winter 2011 Issue

2012-01-03T01:11:07Z

The Winter 2011 issue of Diplomacy World, #116, is now available for download. You can find it at the official Diplomacy World website - www.diplomacyworld.net - or in the Diplomacy World Yahoo group at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/diplomacyworld/

Check it out, and send it some feedback...plus start thinking about ideas for articles. #117 is only 3 months away!

...

Eternal Sunshine #58 Released - November 2011 Issue

2011-10-27T19:41:28Z

The November 2011 issue of Eternal Sunshine, #58, is now available. You can find it in the Yahoo group, or in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Columns, letters, games, contests, and some new game openings!

Direct links at:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es58.pdf
html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml58.htm

Check it out, and participate!

Enjoy!

Eternal Sunshine #57 Released - October 2011 Issue

2011-09-28T01:33:05Z

I just uploaded ES #57. You can find it in the Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/

or in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es57.pdf

html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/eshtml57.htm

Enjoy!

Eternal Sunshine #55 Released - August 2011 Issue

2011-07-27T19:46:08Z

The new issue of Eternal Sunshine is out! You can find it in the ES Yahoo group, or at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es55.pdf

html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml55.htm

Check it out and send feedback. Lotsa good stuff....

...

Movie Review - Midnight in Paris

2011-07-10T18:38:10Z

A lot of comparisons can be drawn between Woody Ellen’s latest film and his prior work. The most obvious is The Purple Rose of Cairo, because of the cinematic connection. I prefer to think of Midnight in Paris as more of Play it Again, Sam meets Paris, albeit with a quieter and understated humor. Regardless of the comparisons you may draw, while Midnight in Paris will never be my favorite Woody Allen film, it now holds a strong position among the top five.

Before we are even officially introduced to the characters or the plot, Allen provides a brilliant series of shots within Paris which build the basis for the movie as a whole. The meaning behind the sequence is easily missed by some, but it serves as a very effective introduction. First we see Paris as a tourist-filled, deteriorating theme park of souvenirs, sightseers, and cookie-cutter cafes. Then the rain falls, and the people retreat. Without the people, and without the modern-day noise and trappings, the beauty of the city can be seen again. Beautiful architecture, the romance of streetlamps lighting the curbs, iron fences, and trees…Paris has become Paris again. Then the rain stops, and the people return, as does the modern world.

Enter Gil (Owen Wilson), a screenwriter who wants to use his time in Paris as inspiration to finish his novel, his first attempt at “real writing.” Despite his success in Hollywood, he thinks of himself as a “hack,” churning out dreck for the big screen. “Juvenile and forgettable? Sounds like one of my rewrites” is how he refers to his craft in one scene.

Along for this trip to Paris are Gil’s fiancée Inez (Rachael McAdams) and her parents John (Kurt Fuller) and Helen (Mimi Kennedy). A merger with a French company is the purpose behind the trip for John and Helen, and Inez and Gil have come along for the ride. Inez and her family are clearly not fans of Paris of the French in general, and the heap derision on Gil’s affection for the city at every opportunity. In fact, Gil finds himself somewhat disenchanted, realizing that Paris is not as he imagined it. He yearns to find the Paris of yesterday: the 1920’s Paris, filled with excitement, the Lost Generation, and a passion and appreciation for the arts. He sees that period as the heyday of Paris, where writing was a craft to be perfected, and where the arts were developing in new, original directions. Individuality was celebrated, not crushed.

Soon Gil and Inez bump into their friends (really, Inez’s friends) Paul and Carol (Michael Sheen and Nina Arianda). Gil clearly loathes Paul and his pompous, know-it-all lecturing (even if Gil does attempt to be pleasant regardless), while Inez and Carol are mesmerized by his “brilliance.” In Paris to guest lecture, Paul is the typical Allen-crafted villain, the pseudo-intellectual who is willing to go so far as to argue with a tour guide (Carla Bruni). A visit by the group to Versailles is a perfect representation, as some of the beautiful statues and architecture around them is hidden by the focus on Paul and his lecturing about how it had all been swampland at one time. Trivia of knowledge, and trivia of modern life, obscure the beauty of the world.

In one way Gil is happy to have Paul and Carol in town, because after dinner that evening Inez joins the couple to go dancing, which leaves Gil free to roam the streets by himself. Truthfully he doesn’t mean to roam quite so far; Inez’s prediction that he will immediately become lost and unable to find his way back to their hotel is completely on the mark. Finally, after hours of wandering, Gil rests on a stone staircase as a clock strikes twelve, and Gil finds himself transported back to the 1920’s. His jaw drops in awe and admiration as he is introduced to the likes of Cole Porter (Yves Heck), F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald (Tom Hiddleston and Alison Pill), and Ernest Hemingway (Corey Stoll).

Not only is Gil fascinated with these idols of his, but he finds them to be kindred spirits, the sort of friends he has been unable to find in his own world. Returning to the world of yesteryear Hemmingway convinces Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates) to look over Gil’s manuscript. At her home, he meets Picasso (Marcial Di Fonzo Bo) and is immediately enchanted by Picasso’s current on-again-off-again lover Adriana (Marion Cotillard of La Vie en Rose). His connection with Adriana is much deeper, and powerful, than whatever he might feel for Inez. Through his time with his new friends, Gil begins to understand that in every era people long for “the good old days,” a period of the past when life seemed simpler. “Maybe the present is a little unsatisfying because life is a little unsatisfying,” he opines.

Owen Wilson is an excellent choice by Allen, although I want to sit down and think about who might have been better at some point. His funniest lines are delivered with a quiet confusion reminiscent of his first and best role as Dignan in Bottle Rocket. Like Gil, Wilson is in some ways an actor for another era; he can be tolerable in the modern comedy, but when he’s given a role with depth and meaning his true ability as an actor shines through.

In the final moments of the film, Allen’s message seemed clear to me: any era can be the Belle Époque, but we can only see the beauty around us when we are with the right people…or the right person.

Diplomacy World #114 Released - Summer 2011 Issue

2011-07-04T04:38:10Z

Diplomacy World #114 is now available for download, both from the Diplomacy World Yahoo group:

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/diplomacyworld/

and the official Diplomacy World website:

http://www.diplomacyworld.net/

Among the articles inside this issue you will find:

David Hood on the 25th DixieCon
Joshua Danker-Dake on Anschluss strategy
Jack McHigh on Balkan Wars VI
Two articles on the new Diplomacycast.com
1907 Results and Commentary in the ongoing Diplomacy World Demo Game
A lively letter column
Chris Dziedzic on The Diplomatic Pouch
and much much more.

Check it out and send some feedback. And while you're at it, the deadline for Diplomacy World #115 is October 1, 2011...but why wait? Submit an article NOW!

Eternal Sunshine #54 Released - July 2011

2011-06-29T19:46:32Z

The July 2011 issue of Eternal Sunshine is now available for download. Plenty in there to bore you, or keep you interested, depending on how demented you are. First turns of Lifeboat, By Almost Popular Demand, and the Eternal Sunshine Index, plus columns, letters, lists, an interview, and the usual crap. Check it out! Can be found in the Yahoo group at:

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/

or in the Diplomacy section of my website at:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es54.pdf

html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/eshtml54.htm

Eternal Sunshine #53 Released - June 2011 Issue

2011-05-30T21:24:33Z

I've just uploaded Issue #53 of Eternal Sunshine. Inside you'll find stuff like:

All the details of my first attempt at running a Dip event...

An interview with the amazing Antje Duvekot...

Review of a terrific show with Raina Rose, Rebecca Loebe, and Jenn Grinels...

Columns from Jack McHugh, Richard Walkerdine, and Paul Milewski...

New Games: Lifeboat and By ALMOST Popular Demand...

First installments of "100 Films to See Before You Die"...

Next chapter of The Twisting Tale...

The new Eternal Sunshine Index...

More 23 Tunes and Movie Quotes...

...and, yeah, the usual crap.

You can find the pdf in the Yahoo ES group at:

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/

Or both the pdf and html at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Check it out!

Direct links:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es53.pdf

html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/eshtml53.htm

Eternal sunshine #52 Released - May 2011 Issue

2011-05-15T14:25:00Z

Eternal Sunshine #52, the May 2011 issue, is now available ?(and actually has been for two weeks..I just forgot to post this). Inside, besides the usual crap, you'll find:

The3rd turn of 23 Tunes
Hypothetic Questions
more Richard Walkerdine than you can shake a stick at
and much more!

Check it out, send some feedback, and participate! You can find the latest issue in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links:

pdf version - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es52.pdf

html version - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml52.htm

Diplomacy World #113 Released - Spring 2011 Issue

2011-04-03T16:03:00Z

Diplomacy World #113, the Spring 2011 Issue, is now available for free download. You can find it in the Diplomacy World Yahoo group at

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/diplomacyworld/

or directly from the official Diplomacy World website at:

http://www.diplomacyworld.net/

Download it, read it, and send in some feedback! And start working on YOUR contribution for Diplomacy World #114, which has a deadline of July 1st. It will be here before you know it.

...

Movie Review - Cedar Rapids

2011-04-03T14:42:00Z

I am not a huge fan of the recently popular comedies. Maybe I’ve become too old and grumpy, or perhaps I need films to be more character-driven. But take a random comedy at the top of the box office charts, and odds are I’m not interested in going to see it.

So given that, I can’t fully explain why we decided to go see Cedar Rapids. I saw the preview in the theater, and it seemed to have a bit more intelligence than your random comedy. It wasn’t as dark as I might have liked, but the lead character of Tim Lippe (Ed Helms) appeared to have found a perfect middle ground between innocence and idealism in his role as an insurance salesman who is selected as a fill in to attend a major annual conference in Cedar Rapids, Iowa…one where his firm has won the national award two years in a row.

Tim is a generally quiet, honest, and completely inexperienced guy. He’s never flown before, never been to a convention before, and barely ever been out of his hometown before. He has spent years dillegently working at a regional insurance company, putting the needs of his customers ahead of anything else. Consequently, he has never been the top banana at his firm, but has a terrific reputation from his loyal clients.

Once at the convention, Tim finds himself rooming with veteran agent Ronald Wilkes (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.) – an arrangement set up by his boss, who considers Wilkes to be a good influence. Unfortunately, Wilkes has decided to save money on expenses by bringing another agent into the room: Dean Ziegler (John C. Reilly), a loudmouthed, obnoxious type who Tim has been warned to stay away from at all costs by his boss (Stephen Root).

Tim soon meets a third veteran agent, Joan Ostrowski-Fox (Anne Heche), and after a while decides his opinions about Ziegler don’t match those of his boss. He also begins to socialize, developing more of an outgoing personality. As you’d expect, he finds himself in various comic situations, but it is the moral dilemmas that go along with them that add the backbone to the story. One by one many of his illusions about life, the world, his coworkers, and the industry are shattered – or at least reshaped.

Ed Helms could have played Tim as dumber, or simply clueless. Instead, he builds a respectful innocence, one that includes a real pride in being an insurance agent. At one point in the film, he gives Joan a little speech about the time Cedar Rapids flooded, and how insurance agents were there to help people, to assist in their attempts to rebuild their lives. “Wow,” she replies, “you almost make it sound cool to be an insurance agent.”

A few people I’ve talked to that *do* love the popular comedy films of recent years saw Cedar Rapids and loved it as well, so I don’t think it falls outside of the mainstream. If you want some laughs - including a few inside jokes about Isiah Whitlock Junior’s role on The Wire (a show I’ve never seen) which I would not have gotten the full effect of if I hadn’t heard something about them beforehand – find Cedar Rapids and give it a try. It’s doing okay at the box office, but not gangbusters, so I don’t know how long it’ll be out there. If you miss it, it should be enjoyable on DVD too.

Eternal Sunshine #51 Released (a few days ago)

2011-04-03T14:38:00Z

Eternal Sunshine #51, the April 2011 issue, is now available. Inside, besides the usual crap, you'll find:

The 2nd turn of 23 Tunes
A new You Don't Know Me interview
More of Humboldt by Kevin Tighe
Letters
Movie Reviews
Hypothetic Questions
The new ES Baseball Prediction Contest
and much more!

Check it out, send some feedback, and participate! You can find the latest issue in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links:

pdf version - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es51.pdf

html version - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml51.htm

Movie Review - Barney's Version

2011-02-23T02:45:00Z

Paul Giamatti cannot turn a bad movie into a good one. But he has proven time and time again that he has enough talent to take a decent film and turn it into a terrific one. This isn’t simply due to his ability to act. It is also the adhesive chemistry he demonstrates with the cast around him. I’m sure a portion of this is due to excellent casting, but I give most of the credit to Giamatti himself.

Barney’s Version is a perfect example of what I mean. It’s a film built around Giamatti, with every scene (except one) told from his point of view. As the title says, this is his version…his version of the events of his adult life, the hows and whys behind his business, his three marriages, his relationships, and the murder a detective (Mark Addy) is sure he got away with years ago.

Built mostly in flashback mode, but with the present day story also progressing at the same time, we find a mid-20’s Barney Panofsky in Rome, exporting olive oil to Canada and hanging out with his friends Boogie the aspiring writer (Scott Speedman), Cedric (Clé Bennett), and artist Leo (Thomas Trabacchi). Wanting to “do the right thing,” the somewhat antisocial Barney marries a pregnant Clara (Rachelle Lefevre). This sets off what is to be the first of his failed marriages. It also builds Barney’s dislike for people overall, and through the film his antisocial behavior seems to build as he ages.

Barney eventually returns to Canada and becomes a successful television producer. It is from this location that most of his life takes place, including the alleged murder. Dustin Hoffman does a hilarious but not over-the-top job as Barney’s ex-cop father. In some ways it is reminiscent of his spot-on role in Stranger than Fiction: he pulls a ton of laughs without resorting to overacting or slapstick. His Jewish, heavy-drinking but loving father role helps show that the acorn does not fall far from the tree. Both father and son seem to take pleasure in inappropriate conversation (or at times are simply oblivious that what they’re saying is inappropriate). Small wonder that Heather so often sees great similarity between myself and the roles Giamatti takes on. Barney Panofsky is no exception.

Without going too far into the plot, Barney looks back at his failed second marriage (wife #2 played by Minnie Driver) and then his third marriage (Rosamund Pike giving a tremendous performance). The tagline of the film is “First he got married. Then he got married again. Then he met the love of his life.” You can discern quite a bit from that.

Giamatti won a Golden Globe for his performance, but truly it was Oscar worthy. Do not miss this film. And bring a handkerchief if you get emotional at movies (Heather had mine soaking by the time it was over). I can identify closely with a lot of Barney Panofsky and his life, but even if I couldn’t I would have really enjoyed Barney’s Version.

Eternal Sunshine #50 Released - March 2011 Issue - Diplomacy Zine

2011-02-23T02:40:00Z

Eternal Sunshine #50 is now available. Inside, besides the usual crap, you'll find:

The first turn of 23 Tunes
A new You Don't Know Me interview
The return of Humboldt by Kevin Tighe, awaited for decades
Letters
Movie Reviews
Hypothetic Questions
Results of the ES Football Prediction Contest
The new ES Baseball Prediction Contest
and much more!

Check it out, send some feedback, and participate! You can find the latest issue in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links:

pdf version - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es50.pdf

html version - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml50.htm

Eternal Sunshine #49 Released - February 2011 Issue

2011-01-26T03:58:00Z

The new issue of Eternal Sunshine, #49, is now available. Aside from the usual crud you get:

Another "You Don't Know Me" Interview

Subzines from Paul Milewski, Jack McHugh, and Richard Walkerdine

23 Tunes, resurrected from The Abyssinian Prince

The latest Movie Quotes Contest results

and I forget what else, but it's gold, ya hear me, GOLD!

Check it out, send some feedback, sign up for some games, and remind me that people read this thing!

Direct links:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es49.pdf

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/eshtml49.htm

Diplomacy World #112 Released - Winter 2010 Issue

2011-01-03T20:49:00Z

The Winter 2010 Issue of Diplomacy World, #112, is now available for download from www.diplomacyworld.net

Inside you'll find 71 pages of fun, including:

The 1903 and 1904 results (and commentary) of our latest Demo Game
Fabian Straub on both WDC and EDC
Larry Peery on the Man Who Toppled Russia
Another brilliant piece from Richard Maltz
Richard Walkerdine on The Invention of Diplomacy
Jack McHugh on The Replacement Blues
Multiple articles on the play of Russia, the "theme" of #112
...and lots more!

Check it out, and please send some feedback so we know what you think!

See you in three months!

Eternal Sunshine #48 Released - January 2011 Issue

2010-12-29T16:25:00Z

Eternal Sunshine #48, the January 2011 Issue, is now available. Included in this issue is:

* Winter 1900 of the new Everybody Plays game

* Columns from Jack McHugh, Paul Milewski, and Richard Walkerdine

* A Whining Kent Pig Christmas

* An interview with the amazing Raina Rose

* End-game report for Bellicus

* and all the usual foolishness.

You can get the issue from the Yahoo group at:

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/

or in both html and pdf format in the Diplomacy section of my website at:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links are:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml48.htm for the html version

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es48.pdf for the pdf version

Check it out, send me some feedback, and participate!

Eternal Sunshine #47 Released - December 2010 Issue - Diplomacy Zine

2010-11-30T22:05:00Z

Eternal Sunshine #47, the December 2010 Issue, has now been released. Inside you'll find:

A new Diplomacy gamestart
Openings in Cline 9-Man and Everybody Plays Dip
An interview with 3 Penny Acre's Bernice Hembree
Columns from Jack McHugh and Richard Walkerdine
Letters
Movie Reviews
and much more!

Check it out at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/ where you can find both the html and pdf versions.

Direct links are:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es47.pdf for the pdf version

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml47.htm for the html version

Let me know what you think!

Movie Review: The Social Network

2010-11-19T19:45:00Z

By now most of you – if not all of you – have heard something about “the Facebook movie.” This is the movie in question: The Social Network. Based on Ben Mezrich’s book “The Accidental Billionaires,” it tells the tale of Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg), and the development of Facebook (originally “The Facebook”), in what is quickly revealed to be a series of flashbacks during two separate lawsuits Zuckerberg is facing. It seems that how he initially developed the site, as well as how he treated his best friend and partner, are in question. We soon learn that Zuckerberg, while brilliant and forward thinking about the internet, is a social outcast, a nerd, and above all envious (or outright hostile) to the social structure of Harvard and the world at large.

His genius is displayed early on as, while drunk and depressed over a breakup with his girlfriend, Zuckerberg – with help from his best and nearly only friend Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield) – spends an hour designing and building a site which allows Harvard students to vote on photos of female students, choosing who is hotter (while he simultaneously blogs ever move he makes). The site receives over 20,000 hits from that small audience before crashing the Harvard network entirely.

It is Zuckerberg’s desire to be allowed into the Harvard elite community – especially the historic clubs – which drives his actions. While Eduardo is accepted into one of the private clubs, Zuckerberg is ignored. That is, until a trio of fellow students – each members of the most prestigious Harvard association - ask Zuckerberg to help them design an exclusive dating site for Harvard students. His failure to ever deliver on that promise – as well as questions about if he built The Facebook around this project’s ideas and layout – are the basis for one of the two lawsuits we are placed within (the flashback scenes are all stories told during various depositions).

Soon The Facebook takes off, and while Zuckerberg himself seems not to care much about the financial rewards, his desire for credit and social acceptance leads him to crawl under the wing of Napster founder Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake). Parker is given a piece of the company for what seems like basically no reason. Then, as Parker and Zuckerberg party on the west coast, Eduardo pounds the pavement trying to find advertisers so they can turn the company into a money-making proposition. In his absence, he received a royal screw-over, the subject of the second lawsuit.

Some of the dialogue is difficult to follow, either because of the location (a loud bar, a campus party, etc.) or because all the characters have slightly too cool remarks prepared for every occasion. The story itself is quite interesting, and Eisenberg’s Mark Zuckerberg is played in a very crisp fashion: we never forget how awkward he feels, how looked-down-upon, and the resentment he carries deep inside him is forever in view.

Overall the film is a satisfying one, although it felt a bit too long. Editing out 20 minutes of unnecessary details would have helped quite a bit. Still, it’s worth a view. Check it out, or wait for the DVD so you can use the subtitles and actually hear what everybody is saying.

Movie Review: Paranormal Activity 2

2010-10-27T14:19:00Z

If you saw, and somewhat enjoyed, the first Paranormal Activity, you’ll like this one too. If you didn’t like it, there’s no point it seeing PA2; in many ways it is the same movie. If you never saw PA1, see it on DVD first and then decide. But I thought PA1 was decent, and I feel the same about PA2. If nothing else, it’s tense, a bit scary, and goes by fast (smartly keeping a 91 minute running time).

The plot runs along similar lines to the first. A family (husband and wife, but a bit older this time), the husband’s teenage daughter from his first marriage, their newborn baby boy, and their dog live in a modern suburban home. After a strange break-in where the house is ransacked but nothing is taken (except one necklace with sentimental value), the husband has an alarm system and cameras installed throughout the house, recording to a DVR system. Then, as strange occurrences begin to happen each evening, the family is able to validate them through the use of the DVR.

Perhaps because the family is larger, there is a bit more tension this time around. The father refuses to entertain the idea of ghosts or the supernatural as a cause for any of the disturbances, and goes so far as to fire their nanny when she tries to cleanse the house through sage burning. The wife does believe, especially as she and her sister had some sort of frightening experiences as children. The teenage daughter thinks it would “cool” if the house was haunted…she holds out a bit of hope when the disturbances are mild that it might be her mother (who we now learn has passed away). The infant, who grows into a toddler, appears to see the forces at work, sometimes laughing at them, and other times crying in fear. The dog also reacts, barking and growling at any presence.

As you expect, the events escalate. I can’t go into the plot line in any detail, except to say that the couple from the original Paranormal Activity make an appearance in this film too, and I found it rather creative the way the films were tied together. The suspense is all the same as the first film: you are shown the scene, and you know something is going to happen…you just don’t know what.

In all, Paranormal Activity 2 is a dopey and fun movie. It doesn’t need a ton of blood and chainsaws to make the audience jump (and if you’re with a date, be prepared to have your hand squeezed every now and then). If nothing else, it is a good start to the Halloween horror films which are making their way to a theater near you. Give it a shot.

Eternal Sunshine #46 Released - November 2010 Issue - Diplomacy Zine

2010-10-27T14:18:00Z

Eternal Sunshine #46, the November 2010 Issue, has now been released. It includes the usual junk, plus:

Columns from Paul Milewski, Jack McHugh, and Richard Walkerdine

New Gunboat Gamestart

Round One of the new Movie Quote Quiz

Review of a show by Antje Duvekot and 3 Penny Acre

Movie Reviews
Another "You Don't Know Me" Interview

Letters

and other stuff that I probably forgot to mention.

You can see the pdf and html versions at:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es46.pdf

html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml46.htm

Check it out, and send in some feedback!

Movie Review: The Last Exorcism

2010-10-12T16:06:00Z

When I saw the trailer for The Last Exorcism, I wasn’t really given enough information to discern the full plot. But the general idea seemed simple enough: a documentary crew films an exorcism, and finds more than they bargained for, ala The Blair Witch Project. I wasn’t enthralled with that prospect, but one recent Sunday it was the best option available.

Actually, the storyline in The Last Exorcism is a bit more interesting than I thought. Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian) has been a preacher since he was ten years old. He is a master at capturing the audience, combining his command of preaching with the showmanship of some magic tricks twisted to teach lessons about Jesus. He even bets one of the documentary crew (one cameraman and one interviewer/producer) that he can throw in his mother’s banana bread recipe and the congregation will never notice. He does, and they don’t.

The problem for Cotton is that he isn’t even sure he believes in God anymore, and he is certain he has lost any belief in organized religion; it’s all show, and all for money. In particular, he is now concerned about the practice of Christian exorcism. “The Catholics get all the press, because they had the movie” he quips. But a recent newspaper article detailing the death of a young boy during an exorcism has pushed his conscience over the edge. And this is the purpose of the documentary crew: Cotton is prepared to have them join him on one last exorcism, so he can reveal all the tricks of the trade, and what a complete fraud it is. In this way, he hopes, no other child will have to suffer the fate of the boy in the paper.

At random, he selects one letter asking for help, and travels with the crew to their rural Louisiana town. There he meets Louis, the father who believes his teenage daughter Nell (Ashley Bell) is possessed by a demon, and has been slaughtering his livestock at night (with no memory of it the next day). Nell is sweet and a believer, and while she doesn’t remember doing the acts she is accused of, all evidence seems to point to her; whether it is demonic possession or a simple case of violent sleepwalking is answered by Louis and his fundamentalist beliefs. Nell’s brother Caleb, on the other hand, considers his father a dangerous drunk (since Mom died) and his sister an innocent victim.

Cotton and the crew perform an exorcism, complete with his various parlor tricks and gimmicks. But, as you might expect, the story does not end there. And soon it becomes a battle between Cotton and his unbeliever attitude – putting science over religion – and Louis and his deep fundamentalist beliefs.

There are some very funny moments, a few scary ones, and plenty of creepy ones in The Last Exorcism. The very end of the film leaves a bit to be desired, but overall that doesn’t diminish the enjoyment of the ride. This isn’t a great film, but it’s a fun one, and a nice change from the slasher and soft-porn horror films which are much more prevalent today.

Diplomacy (and non-Diplomacy) Related Gift Ideas!

2010-10-09T18:39:00Z

With the holidays coming up, remember that Diplomacy World has a lot of Diplomacy-related merchandise perfect for your facorite Diplomacy fan. Shirts, Mugs, Notebooks...and countless designs to choose from (plus lots of other design styles, including the Helpful Kitty, Haters, and Whining Kent Pigs). You can find them at:

http://www.cafepress.com/helpfulkitty/

Anything you buy helps support Diplomacy World. So does clicking on our advertisers (like Amazon...if you click through our Amazon links before you make a purchase there we earn a small commission, which helps pay for part of the website, the prizes we give out, printed issues we send, and other projects).

Diplomacy World #111 Released - Fall 2010 Issue

2010-10-04T21:20:00Z

Here is my initial Diplomacy World announcement:

Diplomacy World #111, the Fall 2010 Issue, is now available! Inside you'll find:

* Conrad Woodring on one of the most difficult journeys ever to reach a World DipCon

* The final installment of the Known World Demo Game, including all EOG's (from players and commentators)

* Gwen Maggi on how he became world champion...and others on how they didn't.

* Jim O'Kelley on the Rise of the Weasels

* The Epistemology of Strategy by Richard Maltz

* and sooooo much more

Download it now from the official Diplomacy World website at http://www.diplomac yworld.net

...and start thinking about what article you can contribute to the next issue. Or, at the very least, send in a lettter for some feedback!

Happy stabbing!

....and here is what Jim Burgess added when he decided I wasn't being forthcoming enough about how good the issue turned out:

Sure, you can say I'm biased because I'm one of the editors, but there's a great deal of wonderful reading in this issue.

We ended up with a great balance that ranges from Astrology to Epistemology (really!).

There is a rather chilling article from Graham Woodring on how he almost didn't get to World DipCon and lots of other World DipCon and other FTF tournament stories, some great articles on internet diplomacy, articles from people of the long ago Diplomacy past, and one from someone who just found us. And yes, you can check out your Diplomacy sign and ponder Epistemlogy of Diplomacy. All that and the end of the Known World demo game and more from our Postal old fogies and some gorgeous Silver Age press.

Check it out! And start writing something for us for next issue!!
Jim-Bob

Eternal Sunshine #45 Released - October 2010 Issue

2010-09-29T15:55:00Z

The new October 2010 issue of Eternal Sunshine, #45, is now available in both pdf and html formats. You can find it at:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Included in this issue is the usual junk, including:

Columns from Paul Milewski, Jack McHugh, and Richard Walkerdine
The start of the new Eternal Sunshine Movie Quote Quiz
Another "You Don't Know Me" Interview
Household updates on new dog Kayza
Game Openings in Diplomacy and Gunboat -> get in before they are gone!

Check it out, send in feedback, write sutff, sign up for games, try the new Movie Quote contest, the hypothetical questions, nominate someone to be the next interview subject....do it!

Movie Review - Get Low

2010-09-12T16:56:00Z

Robert Duvall has a history over the last few decades of selecting some lower-profile but well-crafted characters and films. Some, like The Apostle, were projects he championed and organized himself. I don’t believe Get Low came to life the same way, but it still shows Duvall’s eclectic and inspiring character work has not lost a step in his later years.

Supposedly based in part on a true story, Get Low features a strong cast and a litany of interesting characters. Duvall plays Felix Bush, an elderly hermit living in rural Tennessee in the 1930’s. For years Bush has been the local bogeyman, about whom stories are spun by children and adults alike. He rarely - if ever - leaves his cabin and surrounding forest, except to chase away local children who have dared each other to throw rocks at his windows.

The local pastor arrives one day to let Bush know that an old friend has passed away, with little noticeable reaction from Bush. But this sudden realization that his own days are numbered pushes him into action. Traveling into town, he visits the church and asks the pastor to arrange a funeral party for him, where people can come and tell any stories they’ve heard about him. The catch, of course, is that Bush is still alive, and wants to attend. The pastor refuses, despite the wad of “hermit money” Bush shows him.

By coincidence, while Bush is at the church, Buddy (best known as young Frank Wheatley in Sling Blade; another film with a memorable Duvall appearance) and his family arrive. As it happens, Buddy works as a clerk for struggling local undertaker Frank Quinn (Bill Murray, in an understated and very amusing performance). When Buddy mentions he knows of someone looking for a funeral, Quinn takes advantage and directs Buddy to “move into sales” and try to negotiate the deal with this mysterious and generally frightening character.

While Quinn is a bit of a salesman-style con artist, never looking to steal but always looking to sell, it soon becomes apparent that nobody can be sure who is doing the selling and who is being led. Bush has a way of getting people to do as he pleases, without actually directing their actions. But the funeral party is of great importance to the lonely old man, and plans move ahead, including newspaper ads and a $5 drawing where the winner will receive Bush’s home and all his pristine timberland upon his actual death.

Sissy Spacek appears as Mattie Darrow, a widow who is friends with Quinn but who clearly has a past with Bush, before his days as a hermit. As Bush describes it to Buddy and Quinn when asked, “We had a go.” This moves the spotlight onto his younger days, and the possible reasons why he is so anxious to hold this funeral party.

The plot itself is not particularly strong, but the characters and performances are what make Get Low a very enjoyable film. You are almost immediately enveloped by the depression-era town and Bush’s homestead, and losing yourself in the characters and their actions is quite effortless. Buddy serves as the moral center for the action; he wants to give Bush what he wants, but only in so far as he feels comfortable. Bush and Buddy seem to find an immediate connection, and it is Buddy with whom he bonds and puts his trust when trust is needed.

The climax of the film was, to me, a bit of a weak finish. But at the same time, the way the plot plays out and the direction of Aaron Schneider keeps the audience from viewing that as the point of the film. Instead, the journey is the purpose; learning more about these characters, developing them from the cardboard sterotypes to real people with conflicting beliefs and goals.

Initially only in art houses, I now see Get Low has moved on to some national chains, so you shouldn’t have too much trouble finding it in your area. Skip the cartoons and robots and flying bullets for a week and travel back to a quieter time populated by human beings. And you’ll probably see Duvall on the Oscar list this year.

Eternal Sunshine #44 Released - September 2010 Issue

2010-08-31T17:57:00Z

You can now find Eternal Sunshine #44 available for download. The pdf version is in the file library of the Yahoo group, or both pdf and html versions can be found in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at: http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct Links:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es44.pdf

html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml44.htm

Inside you can find all sorts of crap:

More of my personal writing
Columns by Paul Milewski, Jack McHugh, and Richard Walkerdine
Games
Humor
Football Picks
Letters
Interviews
and lots more!

Check it out, and please be sure to send me some FEEDBACK!!!!! How else do I know if you are even reading the zine?

Kayza - The Next Member of Our Family

2010-08-15T17:01:00Z

...

Movie Review: Inception

2010-07-27T23:52:00Z

The reviews I’ve seen for Inception, the new film starring Leonardo DiCaprio, have in most part been full of raves. And don’t get me wrong; I did enjoy the film. It just wasn’t nearly as exceptional as I had hoped it would be. Christopher Nolan (who wrote and directed one of my all-time favorites, Memento) has long since moved into the world of big budget blockbusters (Batman Begins and The Dark Knight being recent examples), and Inception seems to be his attempt to blend that with the twisted originality of Memento.

The plot is rather simple on the surface, a sort of Mission Impossible crossed with The Matrix crossed with Dreamscape. DiCaprio plays Cobb, who with his partner Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) freelance the ability to enter a target’s dreams, in an attempt to steal secrets. As you would expect, part of the mystery of the film is figuring out when someone is dreaming, or even experiencing a dream within a dream. For reasons unclear at first, Cobb is unable to return home to the United States. So when he is offered an “impossible” job of planting an idea in a target’s subconscious in exchange for making a return home possible, he agrees.

Commence the Mission Impossible link. He assembles his team, including a “forger” (someone skilled at assuming different identities within a dream), an “architect” (who builds the world of the dream, played by Ellen Page), a chemist (to build the necessary sedative to allow a dream within a dream within a dream)…and off we go.

I don’t want to go any deeper into the plot and spoil things for those who will see Inception, but the logic of the “rules” of entering other people’s dreams hold together rather well. I liken that to the consistent but complicated world of Dr. Who. It might sound complicated, but it makes sense. However, there were a few instances where I was bothered by breaks in that chain of logic…where Nolan doesn’t tie it together properly. And the plot twists were not very surprising. As Heather said, “When *I* figure it out before it happens, you know it’s obvious.”

The other significant problem with the film is, in my opinion, the casting of DiCaprio. The emotion he shows on screen never feels real; and the character is all too familiar territory for him. Again, Heather came up with the perfect line as she whispered to me “Does he do any movies anymore where he isn’t a tortured soul?”

This review sounds negative, but I know it really shouldn’t be. It was difficult to make out some of the dialogue, which I attribute to the theatre…if it’s the movie itself, that would be another problem. But still, Inception is fun, interesting, has a lot of action, and a good summer popcorn movie (a bit long though compared to others, nearly 2 ½ hours). So go see it, and have a good time. I just hoped I’d walk out feeling blown away…and I didn’t. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed Winter’s Bone in total more than Inception. It wasn’t fun, but it held my attention better.

And just in case you enjoy that kind of thing, Inception can also be seen in IMAX theatres. The visuals are often quite striking, so I would bet the IMAX version brings that to a whole new level.

Fire and Rain - Part Nine (Conclusion)

2010-07-27T23:43:00Z

I kept an eye on the Call-Out schedule each morning, to see if the doctor had set me up with an appointment. But for three days, there was nothing. So I decided I had no choice but to wait in line one afternoon and wait to see him without an appointment. The other inmates waiting in that line were usually there to ask questions about their eligibility for RDAP or deal with matters within the program; I don’t believe anyone else in line was there for a matter relating to life outside the prison system.

Finally it was my turn, and I came in to the office and sat down on the metal chair facing his desk. The walls were filled with bookshelves, but I could see that for the most part they were simply binders and records of inmates in the RDAP program. The whole room had a very administrative feel; it wasn’t the office of a mental health professional. But he was the only real avenue I had to discuss Mara’s suicide openly in my situation, so I began to explain what had happened and my feelings about it.

The doctor interrupted me. “Oh yes, I remember now. I got your note, and I was a bit confused by it. Why exactly did you want to see me over this matter?”

“Well, I mean…my ex-wife and I had been married for over ten years, and together for nearly twenty. Aside from my family, there is really nobody else in the world I’ve known longer. I tried to nurse her though physical and mental ailments for years, before our marriage finally collapsed when she attempted suicide in 1998.”

“But you were divorced, yes?”

“Yes, when I lost my insurance coverage, and when she wanted to remarry anyway, there was no reason to stay legally married.”

“So she remarried?”

“Yes, and as I put in my note, she and her husband killed themselves together last month, and I just found out about it.”

“So, I still don’t understand. Why did you want to see me?”

I was starting to wonder if this was some kind of psychological method, sort of like when the psychiatrist asks you “and how did that make you feel” when you’re trying to get them to tell you something. But this guy’s demeanor was a bit too straight-faced. “Because I want some help dealing with all these emotions and feelings I’m having about this.”

“What emotions? Why would this bother you so much?”

“I told you, because I was with her for almost 20 years. She was my first love, my best friend, and I spent two decades trying to help and heal her. Now she has killed herself, and I feel…well, I’m overwhelmed with sadness and grief, obviously. And tremendous guilt.”

“Why would you feel guilty? You didn’t kill her, she killed herself. And she was remarried; her husband should feel guilty, not you. I’m just not sure what you want me to do for you.”

“He killed himself too! How would he feel guilty?” This wasn’t going exactly the way I planned.

“Are you asking me to write you a pass to not work for a day or two? Because I am not really inclined to do that.”

“No, look….I am having a lot of trouble dealing with this. I just wanted some help, or something to read, or something to help alleviate my emotional issues.”

“Well I don’t know what to tell you. Try not to feel guilty. And just get over it.”

In the real world, I know my reaction to this Abbot and Costello routine would have been different. I could have allowed myself to get angry, to confront him, to ask if he earned his degree from a school he found in a matchbook cover. But the entire experience was so surreal…and he was the man who, in the end, was going to determine whether I was eligible for RDAP. I could not afford to act naturally.

So, what else could I do? I thanked him for his time and left. Now I felt shitty AND completely confused.

Heather did send me a book about dealing with the suicide of a loved one, and if nothing else that book helped explain the causes of the guilt in more specific terms, and the way the guilt is nearly universal to survivors. There are just so many “what ifs” and “should haves” when somebody commits suicide. Life is far too easy to connect on a string…if A happens, and you did C instead of B in reaction, that result changes everything.

It’s sort of the opposite to the way some people watch baseball; they think changing one hit or one call would mean everything that happened afterwards would work a certain way. If that guy walked instead of struck out, the next hitter would have driven him in with his home run…but, of course, with a runner on the pitch selection would have been entirely different, the calls from the bench for hit-and-run or defensive player positioning would change…it’s entirely different.

But in life, when someone is sick and depressed and suicidal, changing one decision, or one action, doesn’t solve the problem. You have to rewrite the entire script, and when you do that you’re doing it with hindsight, and with knowledge you had no access to back then. The truth is Mara never got over her years of sexual abuse as a child, or the family situation which allowed it….and, to top it off, the reactions she got when she began to openly discuss it. I know I did the best I could, even if I was an enabler with her other issues some of the time. It simply wasn’t good enough…and there may not have been a good enough.

The thing is, despite all her problems, I always cared for Mara, and always loved her in my own way. I simply had changed my focus to myself, and to trying to improve my own life and make it tolerable or even enjoyable. She was the center of a huge chunk of my life, but that was no longer true. Our orbits had changed. Still, as the song says, I always thought that I’d see her again. And I’d hoped that when I did, she’d be happy with her life. I may have hoped for too much.

Much later in my prison experience, my RDAP teacher read a paper I wrote about the relationship and came to speak to me privately. She had no idea what my life had been like, and I guess the fact that – unlike most of her students – I was willing to discuss such personal aspects of my history shocked her as much as the things I had to say. One thing she suggested was that I write Mara a letter when I came home. Talk to her, get all my feelings out, be honest about my guilt, the things I think I did wrong, any suppressed anger at her for not doing more on her own. Pour everything onto the page. Then, I should go somewhere peaceful, by myself, and burn it. In doing so, I’d be purging myself symbolically of a lot of those feelings.

I’ve never done that. But one day I will. And the burning letter can be the fire, and my tears will be the rain

Eternal Sunshine #43 Released - August 2010 Issue

2010-07-27T23:31:00Z

The August 2010 issue of Eternal Sunshine, #43, is now available. Inside you'll find:

The usual games

The rehoused Graustark games

The final round of By Popular Demand, and the new gamestart

Part Nine of Fire and Rain

An interview with author Lisa Gitlin

Call for your annual Football Picks

Columns from Jack McHugh, Paul Milewski, and Richard Walkerdine

and plenty more.

Check it out. You can find the zine in pdf format in the Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/

or in both pdf and html format in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct Links are:

pdf - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es43.pdf

html - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml43.htm

Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Movie Review - Winter's Bone

2010-07-14T20:29:00Z

This film, which won the Grand Jury Prize at this year’s Sundance Festival, reeks of desperation and misery. Nobody in the film ever truly smiles, except for the youngest of children. Life is hard, and it is never going to get easier; only harder. Such is the hand dealt to Ree Dolly (Jennifer Lawrence). She lives in the Missouri Ozarks with her father (who produces meth for a living), mother (basically catatonic most of the time, between having gone crazy and the medication she is on), and younger brother and sister. Her father is under indictment for meth production, and out on bond. So Ree is truly in charge of the family, and sees it not just as necessity but responsibility. Family blood is a powerful force in her world.

Her father Jessup is missing, and the local bondsman comes by to let Ree know that he’s put their entire property (including their woodlands, the only true asset they hold) up to cover the bond. If he doesn’t show up for his court date, the family will lose everything they have. So Ree, who lives by the code her family has taught her (never talk to the police, never say anything about anyone, never ask for what should be offered, and never ask questions) decides she must break those rules, and sets out to ask her various nearby relatives – all in the meth business – if they know the whereabouts of her father. Despite the danger, and the warnings from those she first approaches, she sees no other option available.

The film is based on a novel by Daniel Woodrell, who himself hails from the Ozarks. So everything feels real, and looks real thanks to the direction and screenplay writing of Debra Granik. Some of the homes look barely habitable, and trash is strewn everywhere. The landscape is barren, and the sky is gray. Danger and mistrust lurk around every corner; little eye contact is made, and instead eyes shift constantly. Food is scarce; Ree makes some deer stew in one scene, and later is shown teaching her siblings how to hunt squirrel. Despite being a woman, she manages to hide her fear the best she can when facing the scariest members of her extended family. She is the patriarch, regardless of her gender. This is her family, and she will fight to save them.

Jennifer Lawrence gives a tremendous performance, and she carries the movie throughout. It is only how she reacts to each other character which brings them to life, and shows us who they are and how dangerous they may or may not be. Ree pushes as hard as she dares, but sometimes even she knows when lines cannot be crossed. And through it all we are reminded that she has committed herself to this family…they are her responsibility to care for, and she’ll make any necessary sacrifice to do so.

Winter’s Bone is not the greatest film of the year, but it is definitely worth seeing. Look for it; it’s in national release but for the moment seems to be showing only in the art house theaters.

Fire and Rain - Part Eight

2010-07-14T20:28:00Z

Now, with the card returned in the mail, we knew for certain that Mara was dead. But we didn’t know when she died, or how. Of course I assumed it was suicide, but there were other possibilities aside from the normal ones (accident, murder, etc.); her physical health had been poor enough at times that there was always the chance that she’d died due to complications from her Crohn’s Disease, her gastric bypass surgery, or a multitude of other ailments. I gave Heather some information on Mara’s sister, in the hopes that she might be able to search the internet and find her. And, in the meantime, I asked that she keep searching the Florida-area obituaries for a notice. One way or the other, we’d discover what really happened. For the time being, I felt detached from the situation; the grief, guilt, or whatever else I was going to feel about this was on hold until my mind could process the facts. I imagine that if I had been in the outside world, I might have reacted differently. But in prison, almost everything that happened beyond your immediate area had a semi-fictional, ethereal quality to it. Until I knew what happened, nothing had really happened at all.

It took about another seven days before Heather was able to locate the obituary notice on-line, from a Florida newspaper’s website. The cause of death was not specified, and instead was listed as “complications from life.” That was obviously an attempt to say “suicide” in the softest way possible. Given all the years of mental illness, and the prior suicide attempt, that news was not much of a surprise. It was sad though, in the same way I still see it as sad…Mara’s life seemed to have held such promise, if she hadn’t been riddled with physical and mental problems, if she hadn’t been sexually molested for years, if somehow she had found a way to heal those scars inside her brain and her heart. Instead, it was just a waste. She was intelligent, funny, beautiful, creative, artistic, and loving. At times she’d wanted to be (or studied to be, in a few cases) a hair stylist, a chemical engineer, and a veterinarian. None of those dreams would ever come close to reality. Even much of her artistic side would be lost, as her medications would make it difficult for her hands to stop shaking a lot of the time. A promising life, a promising future…and all she got was sicker, more depressed, and more certain that life held nothing for her but pain and sadness. Now, having decided once again that she’d simply had enough, she had succeeded in ending her life.

The obituary did hold one revelation, which I had not expected at all: Mara and her husband had committed suicide together. I suppose his crack addiction, their constant money problems, and his being HIV-positive had a lot to do with his decision to join her in this final act of desperation. It’s possible Mara talked him into it, or even vice versa on the day in question. Or maybe the each decided that they’d rather say goodbye to the world than be left behind…it could be they both believed that this was the final love they’d have in their life. I can’t really say for sure. Nobody can.

Soon afterward, Heather made contact with Mara’s sister, locating her through a Florida Real Estate company’s website. She said she had a few things to send me that she thought I might want: wedding photos, things like that. She’d gone through Mara’s things and through that discovered that I was in prison, but didn’t quite understand what the crime was. She promised to contact Heather by phone in a few days, after Heather had spoken to me, to see if there was anything else that needed to be done. One thing she mentioned was that she really wanted me to send her at least one of the letters that Mara had written me in prison…Mara had never written her anything, and she wanted it as a sort of keepsake. As I recall, Heather emailed her once or twice afterward and never got a reply. So while I don’t know if I would have parted with either letter, I didn’t have to make that choice. I still have them.

Oh, and Heather did learn one other thing: this time there had been no suicide notes. Either they didn’t feel the need to say goodbye to anybody but each other, or they figured everyone would already know and understand the reasons for their decision.

Now that I knew for certain Mara had killed herself, I could start to feel the guilt and sadness build inside of me. The event still seemed like it happened in another world; the outside world, I suppose. But that only would numb my brain for a while. Sooner or later, and probably sooner, it would really hit me. I considered asking a CO to contact one of the facility’s mental health professionals for me immediately, but that seemed a bit drastic. I wasn’t falling apart…I just felt shitty and guilty and hopeless, in an odd way which was gnawing at my brain instead of punching me in the stomach. So, I decided to take the more conservative approach: I would fill out a request form immediately and put it under the door of the head of the RDAP program. He was a psychiatrist, and certainly trained to handle issues like these.

I got the form, explained the situation, and slipped it under his door. Besides that, I didn’t mention it to anyone. I decided that the less I spoke about it, in the short run, the easier it would be to delay the onset of whatever emotions would come pouring out. I wanted to get in to see the doctor first. He’d understand what I was feeling, and be able to help me cope and work through this in some way.

…wouldn’t he?

Diplomacy World #110 Released - Summer 2010 Issue

2010-07-05T02:04:00Z

Diplomacy World #110, the Summer 2010 Issue, has now been released. Inside the 113 pages you'll find:

The Results of the Diplomacy World Variant Design Contest
Joshua Danker-Dake on How Germany Wins
Richard Walkerdine on Praise of the Press Saga
1901 Results and Commentary from the new Diplomacy World Demo Game
Matt Shields on How to Lose in a Diplomacy Tournament
David Hood on DixieCon 24
Zachary Jarvie on The Catholic Shark
The Diplomacy World Reader's Survey
and much much more!

Check it out on the official Diplomacy World website:

http://www.diplomacyworld.net

Read it, send in some feedback, and think about writing something for DW #111. Happy stabbing!

Eternal Sunshine #42 Released - July 2010 Issue - Diplomacy Zine

2010-06-30T20:51:00Z

The new issue is now available in both pdf and html format in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Check it out and let me know what you think!

Direct links:

pdf version - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/es42.pdf

html version - http://www.whininkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml42.htm

...

Movie Review - Please Give

2010-06-13T18:11:00Z

Nicole Holofcener’s latest film is less of a story than it is a look into the lives and motivations of enriching, multi-faceted characters. We see the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful in everyone she introduces us to, and this gives us glimpses into their thoughts and feelings which ring true. Between that, and the on-target dialogue, Please Give is a generally enjoyable and interesting movie, even if it doesn’t provide anything majestic or inspiring.

More than any other topic, Please Give looks at various aspects of greed and charity, and how ill-defined the lines defining them can be from one moment to the next. Oliver Platt and Catherine Keener play Alex and Kate, a married couple with one 15-year-old daughter, Abby (Sarah Steele). They run a boutique in New York City, where they resell vintage furniture almost exclusively purchased from the relatives of dead people, who don’t know enough or don’t care enough to assign the items any real value. Alex has no real issue with this way of making a living, but it seems to dig at Kate. In makes her feel, in some ways, like a greedy vulture, and in response she finds herself offering cash to any homeless person she sees on the street. Their daughter finds this both embarrassing and a but hurtful, because these needy unknowns are inevitably called up as a reason for why her mother won’t buy her something she wants.

If she didn’t feel enough like a vulture, Alex and Kate have purchased the apartment next door to theirs, so that they can knock down walls and expand their living space once the occupant, grouchy Andra (Ann Guilbert) passes away. Andra lives alone, but is cared for daily by her grown granddaughters Rebecca (Rebecca Hall) – the “sweet” one, and occasionally by Mary (Amanda Peet) – the “selfish” one. While the neighbors and families try to stay friendly, the encounters are always awkward, trying to avoid the topic everyone assumes is on everyone else’s mind: how is Andra doing, and how much longer is she going to live.

Through it all, each character deals with their own specific private angst: Alex worries over aging and being less attractive; Kate tries to find a way to fill her emptiness and guilt; Abby is tormented by awful acne, and frets over what she feels is the lack of affection from her mother; Rebecca cares for her grandmother out of a sense of responsibility, but is trying to break free and enjoy some kind of social life; Mary is hung up on why her last boyfriend dumped her, and for all her vainness and bluntness is terribly insecure. We even see a bit into Andra, set in her ways but lonely, trying to convince herself that her various medical problems will get better someday, and brooding silently over years of baggage (including the suicide of her daughter and how few friends she has ever had).

Please Give is the sort of film you enjoy but don’t fall in love with…but then, days later, you find yourself thinking about the characters, and realizing things you didn’t think of at first glance. It stays with you the way a well-written stage play does. If you find it near you, it’s worth your time.

Fire and Rain - Part Seven

2010-06-13T18:09:00Z

After her second letter, while I continued to get plenty of mail from elsewhere, Mara’s letters ceased to arrive. From this I suspected one of four things:

#1 - She was back in the hospital again, likely a mental hospital but there was always the chance it was a physical issue.

#2 - Her life had suddenly gotten very busy, and with her working for the first time in a decade, she didn’t have the energy or desire to write again at the moment.

#3 - She was terribly depressed, and wasn’t doing anything at all (except maybe smoking pot).

#4 - She had committed suicide.

The idea that she would have killed herself was nothing new, of course. I didn’t need the casual mention of it in her last letter to remind me. The fact is, once someone attempts suicide in a serious way (instead of a weak-hearted “cry for help”), it is forever on the table as an option which is being considered. So while I hoped it hadn’t happened, it would not have been a shock. How I might react to such an event was unknown, but it wouldn’t be like a slap in the face…I’d worried about, worked against, or half-expected her to successfully commit suicide for many years.

The next time I spoke to Heather, I asked her to keep an eye out on the internet, doing searches for both Mara’s name and her husband’s name. In particular, I wanted her to check the obituary sections of Florida newspapers online. We couldn’t call Mara, since she had no phone…and neither of us wanted to try and track down her parents or family. We’d just have to wait and see when one of us heard from Mara again, or when some other information came our way.

Heather’s internet searches weren’t able to find any information, but the as the days turned to weeks I began to believe that Mara
was either in the hospital or dead. It was hard not to feel negative about the situation; I hoped I was wrong, but I didn’t believe I would be. One way or another, I didn’t think it was likely that any real, solid, good news was going to head our way.

Then, in late December – just about Christmas – I called Heather, and she gave me the first update we’d had since the letters stopped coming. Heather had mailed Mara a Hanukah card, and it had come back unopened. A barely legible hand had crossed out Mara’s address and written a single word next to it: DECEASED.

Fire and Rain - Part Five

2010-06-13T18:06:00Z

Sorry, somehow Part 5 never got posted....

At some point, Mara’s future second husband entered the picture. She met him at a therapy group – whether it was inpatient or outpatient I can’t remember. But I didn’t press for details. Mara seemed happy with this relationship, and there was talk of the two of them moving in together. However, at first the relationship had to be kept secret from the medical staff, because it was a violation of the programs rules. To be honest, I can’t remember any of the specifics, because my life was too busy, too far away, and too uncertain. Mara may have been hospitalized again after moving out from the apartment she shared with the drug-using female, or gotten housing in some sort of program-supported building again which placed restrictions on her activities. I just remember that they found each other, and she seemed happy about it.

As I’d learned to expect, little by little the details she’d casually mention to me – which may have been her way of revealing them, or may had simply been slips because she didn’t remember what I knew and what I didn’t know – did little to make me feel this was a healthy relationship. “Martin” was a recovering crack addict (which is why he was in this mental health program) and HIV-positive. Strangely, Mara had decided to hook up with a man she didn’t feel safe having intercourse with; instead when they wanted to get romantic she would “break out the toys” - a description I didn’t try to get more details on. From the way things sounded, sexual fulfillment was the least of their problems.

Both of them were receiving some kind of government money, although Mara’s Social Security Disability was the major part of their income…as I’ve mention earlier I was still giving Mara money when and how I was able, which usually consisted of me transferring some money from my individual checking account to our joint checking account (which we’d left open simply for that purpose). But Mara and Martin always seemed to be broke, especially after the third week of the month. A major reason for this was Martin’s continued use of crack. He’d beg and argue until Mara agreed to let him buy $20 worth, if in exchange she could get $20 with of pot. By the end of the weekend, he’d have spent $100 or more, and on occasion sold some of their belongings to pay for the extra. CDs or DVDs I’d given Mara as presents since we split up would disappear, and some of the gold jewelry she had would find its way to a pawn shop, or a dealer. Inevitably Mara would call me towards the end of the month to see if there was any way that she could get some extra cash sooner rather than later, either to pay rent or to buy food.

In the past I would have felt terribly guilty about all of this, but the combination of drinking, working an outrageous number of hours a week, my own depression, and the miles between us helped to alleviate those typical emotions…most of the time. Instead I just felt shitty…there was no question Mara’s life was continuing to go the wrong way, and I no longer held out much hope that it could ever be turned around. Support from her family was either non-existent or useless. I never knew how much knowledge they had of Mara’s situation, but I was certain that her sister Lisa had some idea of what was going on. I was positive of this because Mara had left a number of belongings in New Jersey at Lisa’s house, and among those items was the diamond engagement ring I’d given her in 1988. It had a high-quality stone and had cost around $3,000; even deeply discounted it had monetary value. Mara was furious that Lisa refused to send this ring (and I think some other jewelry) to Florida. “It’s MINE, and she won’t GIVE it to me!” Mara would seethe on the phone to me over and over again. But I knew the ring had no true emotional value to her anymore…it was simply a way to help finance their drug habits.

Sometimes my emotions would revert to their old habits. Despite my distance, my own problems, life’s distractions, I knew that Mara had gotten involved with this relationship simply because she wanted someone to love and for someone to love her. And years I later I still feel guilty about that, as if I took that away and pushed her towards the roller-coaster which would eventually be her undoing. I know, logically, that I was simply doing what I could to take back control of my life, and that this was not my responsibility. But logic and emotion rarely fit together. I get wet eyes, at a minimum, just thinking about it as I write this. The what-ifs always get me. What if I stayed with her, gave her another chance, tried harder, tried longer? What if? Maybe we could have been happy again. Maybe those moments of happiness could have outweighed the others. Maybe she would have been able to overcome her demons. Maybe. What if?

Drugs were not causing their only money problems. There had been some sort of arrest for shoplifting or burglary – I wasn’t clean on which – for which her husband needed legal assistance. More than the charge itself, Mara and her husband were fearful that it would be discovered he had an outstanding warrant or two in other states. So the little money they had was also going to finance this defense, and to make it work through the system as quietly as possible. I’m not even sure what was stolen; nothing of real value…something stupid, a zebra-fur lighter or something. It was a meaningless act with dangerous consequences.

It was at about this time that Mara discovered a little trick she could use to get cash at the end of the month, instead of waiting until her latest Disability payment had arrived in her bank account. She’s deposit an empty envelope in an ATM, listing it as a $300 check. Then it would allow her to withdraw $100 of that immediately. It could only be done one time, but to her the $20 overdraft penalty was unimportant. She’d ride with a negative balance in the account for a week or so, and then the direct deposit would clean things up for her. I tried to point out that this really was fraud, and a dangerous game to be playing. I had to be quite angry and forceful about it, and make her promise NEVER to do this in the joint account we still had open. The last thing I needed was some banking irregularities while the Federal Justice System tried to figure out what kind of a prison sentence they were about to dump on me.

Then, just a few months before sentencing, Mara tells me that she has been given permission to work part-time without threatening her disability payments, and that she and her husband have gotten a cat. In the midst of all this drama and the whirlwind of negativity, these were the first two positive signs of light I’d seen in a long time from Mara. She was able to find office work which wouldn’t earn much, but which wasn’t too difficult, and maybe the sense of achievement would help her regain some self esteem. At one time she had been a tremendous worker…maybe this was the path back upwards…and a way to return to a semblance of normal life?

I could only hope, as I had my own problems to deal with: setting all my affairs in order, preparing for incarceration, and doing what I could do spend as much time with Heather as possible while still saving some cash on the side. Time would tell what the future held.

Eternal Sunshine #41 Released - Diplomacy Zine - June 2010 Issue

2010-05-26T16:56:00Z

Eternal Sunshine #41 has just been posted. You can find it in the ES Yahoo Group (http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/) or in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com

Direct links to this issue are:

HTML - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml41.htm

PDF - http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es41.pdf

Enjoy!

... āကĀƘ&Ƙ&

Fire and Rain - Part Six

2010-05-02T17:28:00Z

The Federal Government, if nothing else, is consistent in its ability to be ineffective. I was given a date for my sentencing of September 11, 2006. I found this very odd, as it had only been a few years since 9-11 and I was doubtful they’d want unnecessary activity going on in any Federal building. My father was adamant that he wanted to come down for the sentencing hearing, and in order to afford to do so he was going to need to buy a non-refundable plane ticket. So I checked with my Public Defender, just to make sure; was it really going to be September 11^th? He checked with the Prosecutor, who went so far as to confirm with the judge. Yes, without a doubt, September 11^th was the day. There would be no delays or changes, unless somebody found themselves in the hospital with a serious illness. So my father and stepmother bought their tickets, made their hotel reservation, and were ready to go.

As you’d imagine, a few days before September 11^th, I got a call from my lawyer. The hearing had been pushed back a week or two, as they wanted to keep the building nearly empty on September 11^th for security reasons. It was too late to cancel the trip, so they flew down and stayed overnight. I had lunch with them myself one day (the day they were heading back), and Heather and I went to dinner with them the prior night. If nothing else, I treasure that dinner. It was my father’s only chance to meet Heather before he died. I’ll never know what he really thought or really said to Barbara about her, but I think he saw how happy we were together, and I like to believe he could feel the honesty and magic in our relationship. Maybe when he died he was able to carry the knowledge that at long last I had found a wonderful, beautiful, loving, caring, giving, thoughtful, sensitive, and truly good person to spend the rest of my life with. Barbara always said he liked her very much, but me being me, I still wonder what he might have said in private. Either way, it means a lot to me that they met each other that one time.

Eventually I was given my sentencing hearing, and it was uneventful (except for how emotional I got). My 46 month sentence was exactly what we expected; the sentencing guidelines were very explicit, and judges at that time were not varying from them except for specific circumstances (terrible crimes, or helping the government convict other criminals). There had been hope that I might get a sentence as low as 24 months at one point, when my initial pre-sentencing report left off one of the potential “enhancements” which would have raised my “score” my 4 points. But that was corrected at the insistence of the head regional prosecutor….in effect, I think it was an attempt by the prosecutor to cut me a break, since I hadn’t meant to cause harm, could not have personally profited from my crime, and because it seemed that so many worse cases wound up with shorter sentences. But 46 months it was. I was once again released on my own recognizance and advised when I’d hear about what prison to report to.

Mara and I kept in touch by phone and email during this time, but I didn’t have much I could tell her. I didn’t know where I was going, I didn’t know when I was going there, and I didn’t know what it would be like. She was busy anyway, with her job and the somewhat long bus ride she had to take every workday. I was rather proud that she was able to handle that on her own; it was the kind of thing she never would have attempted before. But the work was uninteresting, the boss was mean, and it had been a long time since she’d had to deal with things like that. The extra money was coming in handy, I guess, and she and her boyfriend were going to get married any day…that seemed surreal to me, but I tried to be positive and supportive however I could. As hard as I tried, though, it sounded more like Mara was spinning her wheels than getting anywhere…these positive steps she was taking in her life weren’t being regarded that way by her. I don’t know what her hopes and dreams were by then; maybe she didn’t have any left. She never talked about the future, just the now. Maybe things would work out…but I could never allow myself to actually HOPE so.

After more Federal delays (my intial “report date” came and went without any notification about WHERE I should report to), I finally learned that I needed to report to Allenwood Federal Prison in Montgomery, PA. Through internet searches I was able to guess the mailing address, which I emailed and postally mailed to everyone I possibly could…I figured any letters from the outside world would be a blessing. I also made sure Mara had Heather’s home phone number in case there was an emergency, or in case she just wanted to know how Tigger and Blackfoot (our two remaining cats) were doing. Mara didn’t have any long distance service, and unless it was life or death she wouldn’t call collect, but with her parents living in Florida by now I figured she might call from there on occasion. Heather had no issues about speaking to Mara or being friendly towards her, so I was not concerned about bad blood coming between them if they interacted.

I’ve detailed my trip to prison previously, so I won’t recount that journey here. But I arrived, settled in, and within a week I started getting mail. Over the coming three years I’d continue to be surprised that certain people never wrote me, while others who I’d never expected to hear from wrote me quite a bit (once a month or more). A lot of Diplomacy folks were dependable pen-pals over this time, including Andy York and Paul Milewski who you see here in Eternal Sunshine. Mara wrote as well, which I had hoped she would do (but wasn’t about to hold my breath over it).

The first letter arrived in mid November, only about two weeks after I’d reported. She talked about work, about getting married in a civil courthouse ceremony (a DVD player with a copy of The Lords of the Rings was the big gift she and her husband were giddy over; they both loved the movie), and a bit about their cats. More she just seemed worried about me, and what it was like in prison. Mara also mentioned that she was going to see her parents on Thanksgiving for a few days; she wasn’t looking forward to it, as “family time” was to her a form of mental torture. But she was going, all the same.

Heather would later mention to me that over the Thanksgiving weekend the home phone rang, and while she couldn’t be certain she thought it might have been a Florida number. I can’t remember the specific details, but I think Heather spilled something all over herself and the floor on the way to the phone, grabbed it out of reflex, and told the female voice on the other end “Whoever this is, please, you’ll have to call back later” before hanging up. Whoever it was never did, but the timing might have been right for Mara to call; maybe taking advantage of a free phone to check on the cats. It isn’t important in the scheme of things, but I still wonder what Mara would have said if it had been her.

The next letter I received from Mara, during one of the first days of December, mentioned how unhappy she’d been with her parents, and all the fights they’d gotten into. (It did not mention calling Heather, so I suspect it wasn’t her). This was a very downbeat letter; Mara wasn’t happy with her job, but kept going. She wrote of how tired she was of always not having enough money, and of living in a shitty neighborhood. The theorized that if this was her lot in life, she may decide to attempt suicide again someday. “Don’t worry,” she wrote, “I wouldn’t ever do something like that again without writing to you about it first.”

But then the letters stopped coming…

Eternal Sunshine #40 Released - May 2010 Issue

2010-04-28T20:26:00Z

The May 2010 issue of Eternal Sunshine has now been released. It can be found in the Diplomacy section of my personal website at

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links to the html and pdf versions:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/dw/eshtml40.htm

and

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es40.pdf

...

Movie Review - The Art of the Steal

2010-04-21T21:53:00Z

In all likelihood, if you haven’t seen The Art of the Steal yet, you’ll have to wait for DVD. But it’s worth looking for, whether you are a lover of great art or not. The art is a wonderful, breathtaking backdrop to the story, but the story itself could be about almost anything…anything that power-brokers and politicians want to get their hands on, that is.

This documentary (directed by Don Argott) tells the story of Dr. Albert C. Barnes. Barnes was a physician and chemist who created a new chemical known as Argyrol to prevent the spread of venereal disease to newborns; in the early part of the 20^th century this was a tremendous problem. Barnes’ formula made him a wealthy man.

With his fortune, Barnes spent a good deal of time in Europe, where he developed a tremendous love for the impressionist and post-impressionist artists of the day. Works by Renoir, Matisse, Cézannes, and many others became part of his growing collection. He was far ahead of the curve in appreciation of these artists, and had a tremendous eye for the best pieces they produced. After a few years Barnes decided to have a showing of these works, which took place in Philadelphia.

To his dismay, the showing was panned by the art community of Philadelphia, and in particular in the Philadelphia Enquirer. The art was described as ugly, amateurish, and illegitimate. The upper crust of Philadelphia society had, in effect, poked Barnes in the eye. So, he took it upon himself to thumb his nose right back at them, and to do everything in his power to ensure that the city of Philadelphia and the artistic community there would never get their hands on his collection.

With that in mind, Barnes founded the Barnes Foundation, which designated its purpose as promoting the education and appreciation of fine arts. In Marion, Pennsylvania – rather than in Philadelphia proper – Barnes built a large building for use as a school. The entire collection was placed there, specifically displayed according to Barnes’ instructions (his unusual choices of how to group works from different cultures helps to show that art is universal). And Barnes went a step further, using the best legal minds of the day to write an ironclad trust which would prevent the collection from ever leaving the walls of the building; they could not be sold, loaned, or disposed of in any way. Public access to the collection was permitted but was limited; the main purpose was for use in the classes taught at the Foundation. When Barnes died in an automobile accident 1951, he felt he had left behind the Foundation in a state where those he despised – the Philadelphia Enquirer and the elite of Philadelphia – would forever be unable to acquire the collection they had so mercilessly criticized, but now so desperately wanted.

The rest of the film follows the legal and financial and political machinations of Philadelphia in their efforts to gain control of the collection, which (we are told early on) they eventually succeed at. In many ways, the story seems a battle between personal property and freedom versus the “greater good,” and a collection which was initially regarded as worthless, and now is valued at over $25 billion dollars. In the end, that seems to be the message: that when it comes right down to it, this isn’t about art, but about the control of a vast fortune. Whichever side of the issue you might find yourself on, The Art of the Steal is a moving and powerful documentary.

Diplomacy World #109 Released - Spring 2010 Issue

2010-04-04T15:48:00Z

Diplomacy World #109, the Spring 2010 issue, has now been released! Free to download from the Diplomacy World website at http://www.diplomacyworld.net, in this issue you’ll find material such as:

Lewis Pulsipher on “Modernizing Diplomacy”

Jim Burgess on “Why I Hate Economic Variants”

Kit Jillings writing on “You Might Be a Diplomacy Jerk If…”

Richard Walkerdine on “The Great Gallimaufry Hoax”

Strategy and Tactics from the likes of Richard Hannon and Joshua Danker-Dake

4 more game years of our “Known World” variant Demo Game, with some pointed commentary

…and much, much more!

Be sure to send in a letter, comment, or some sort of feedback. We simply don’t hear from our readers often enough!

Direct link to the issue: http://www.diplomacyworld.net/pdf/dw109.pdf

Eternal Sunshine #39 Released - April 2010 Issue

2010-03-31T01:22:00Z

Eternal Sunshine #39, the April 2010 issue, has just been released. Inside this issue you will find:

The latest columns from Paul Milewski and Jack McHugh (Andy York had to skip this issue)

Lots of game results

The latest chapter of Fire and Rain

Movie Reviews

The next round of the Movie Quote Contest

Move Deviant Diplomacy craziness

Baseball predictions

Hypothetical Questions

The Letter Column

…and more of the usual foolishness.

Check it out and be sure to send in some comments…or sign up for a game…or write a column…or SOMETHING!

You can find the issue in the Diplomacy section of my website at http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Direct links are:

Pdf version – http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/es39.pdf

Html version – http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/eshtml39.htm

Movie Review - Shutter Island

2010-03-13T17:21:00Z

It seems these days that the combination of Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio is a foregone conclusion…I’m told the next Scorsese film – a biopic of Frank Sinatra – will star DiCaprio as well (fortunately the songs will still be sung by Frank).

Shutter Island, their latest collaboration, was pushed back from a late 2009 release in part because of the Avatar factor. The film was ready to go, but the studio wanted to make sure it wasn’t overshadowed by the barrage of media attention Avatar was sure to monopolize. Financially it was a smart move, and worked out well. Despite Alice in Wonderland, Shutter Island has attracted plenty of moviegoers.

When it comes to psychological thrillers like this, I am forced to review at a disadvantage; I knew early on where the film was going to go, but I can’t assume that was typical of those who watched it. The twists and turns were no all telegraphed, and for most people I think some of the surprises were completely unexpected. Still, for me, the movie was an enjoyable diversion, but nothing more…and it could have been.

Teddy Daniels and Chuck Aule (DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo – an actor I gain more respect for every time I see him in film) are two Federal Marshalls called to travel to Shutter Island in the 1950’s. Shutter Island is a Federal Penitentiary for the criminally insane located on an inaccessible island outside of Boston Harbor. A dangerous prisoner who drowned her three children has mysteriously disappeared from her locked cell, and it is their job to investigate. They’ve never worked together before, but Teddy is regarded as somewhat of a legend in the department.

The sense of dread begins almost immediately, as they are forced to surrender their firearms before entering the facility. Run by Dr. Crawley (Ben Kingsly), the facility attempts to use more modern techniques to rehabilitate their patients rather than the typical lobotomy. There is also the mysterious Dr. Naehring (Max von Sydow), who Teddy is highly suspicious of both because of his attitude and Teddy’s general distrust of old Germans following his experiences in World War II freeing the prisoners of Dachau.

A hurricane approaches, which traps the two investigators on the island. Teddy also explains to Chuck some of the reasons he volunteered to be on this particular case; he’d been waiting for any chance to get to Shutter Island, both to expose what he believes may be going on there (some sort of sadistic experiments) and to confront an arsonist who lit the fire that killed Teddy’s wife (Michelle Williams). In fact, his wife appears in his dreams often, seeming to attempt to guide him along in his investigations.

Soon Teddy is unsure who he can trust. Is his new partner even safe? The food? The cigarettes? And could the doctors in this facility, if he gets too close to the truth, declare him insane and have him committed? As is pointed out a number of times to Teddy, insane people are the most harmless of witnesses. Once you are declared insane, anything you say or claim is simply part of your own delusion-filled world.

While I wasn’t bored, Shutter Island’s twists and turns became too frequent, too constant, and sometimes too obvious. And while the very last line of the film asked a very relevant question, one I have considered many times for many reasons, I can’t help but believe there was a better way of getting there.

Fire and Rain - Part Four

2010-02-26T03:46:00Z

Once our divorce was final, Mara seemed to have finally given up on the idea that she could somehow move back to Dallas and live with me as a roommate. Either that, or she simply found herself too involved with the life she was trying to build in Florida to think of escape any longer. A few of the details of the events of the time remain fuzzy in my brain, which is partially because so much drama was going on with Mara, and partially because of how heavily I was drinking during this period.

Of any time in my life, this was the only time I found that I was drinking more than I actually planned to. And that did bother me; it seemed to be a true lack of control. In other eras, I didn’t drink at all (either because I was using drugs, or because I didn’t want to use anything at all), or I drank when I felt the urge. If I drank enough to actually be inebriated, it was usually by design. I’d think to myself “I want to get smashed tonight” and I’d go ahead and do it, enjoying both the sort of out-of-body experience a spinning room would have on me, and the temporary peace in my brain when the guilt and regrets and misery were overwhelmed by the deadening power of alcohol.

The failure and guilt I felt about Mara and the marriage (although in my mind the whole relationship was all-encompassing; the part where we were not married was no different) ate away at me daily. My on-again-off-again relationship with my girlfriend was doing nothing but making me feel even more desolate, yet I was unable to break free of it. Every time we’d call it quits, she’d want to be friends again, which would soon lead to sex, and then an unannounced resumption of the relationship. My career was dead, my new job was terribly stressful (and did not pay very much), I had lost my health insurance (and with that dropped any prescription medication I was on), I had a really bad tooth which I knew would eventually develop an abscess, I was living in a shitty apartment where my living room had no furniture…and nothing I was doing seemed to be with the future in mind. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t really thinking about the future, or even admitting I was going to have one.

Still, my excessive drinking was really bugging me. It’s one thing to decide to get drunk. It’s another thing altogether to go to the bar and order a burger and a dark beer, and wind up drinking six of them. Twice during this period I actually got sick off of alcohol, which is something I had only done once in my life before (and that was after drinking six Tom Collins and six lemon drop shots on an empty stomach in a 60 minute span). But here I found myself overdrinking – unintentionally or at least without planning – and vomiting afterwards, while passed out or nearly unconscious. That scared me, when I was sober. The last thing I wanted to do was die choking on my own vomit in a drunken stupor. Or, scarier, maybe that was what I wanted…maybe my attempts at self-destruction were getting more and more overt. Fear of death had long been the main reason I’d never made a serious suicide attempt, despite all the times in my life I’d thought about it, considered it, or even planned it.

Perhaps at a different time, or without the knowledge I had then, I would have continued to drink like that until I never woke up. But Mara’s suicide attempt had solidified in my mind the fact that I never wanted to lay the kind of guilt on someone that suicide had added to my already horrendous burden. I could picture my Dad sitting by himself, crying, blaming himself for the way my life had turned out, and the terrible way it ended. I wasn’t about to let that happen. So I decided I needed to think about the future; I had to turn things around, even though I already had the possibility of a criminal conviction and time in prison hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles. I needed to find things to look forward to.

The stream of nightmarish drama that flowed to me from Mara wasn’t helping things any. She and a female friend from the hospital had gotten an apartment together, but the roommate was a habitual drug user. When she owed money to drug dealers, they took it upon themselves to take what they wanted from the apartment, whether it belonged to the user or to Mara. So a few times I’d get crying phone calls about how her stereo or television, or some of her CD’s, had been appropriated by random seedy people. Clearly this was not an environment Mara was going to able to survive for long. Plus, with how depressing that life was, I am pretty sure she was spending a good deal of her own money on marijuana…something she wouldn’t have admitted to me. With all the psychiatric drugs Mara was taking, and with her limited income from disability (plus whatever modest sum I was able to give her when I could afford it), wasting money on pot was idiocy. But Mara did feel close enough to me, and that I was capable of listening without judgment to most things, to let me know that whenever she found herself running short of rent money, she was able to pick up $50 here or there from other tenants in the building or neighborhood by making herself available to them sexually. I never asked for more details; it wasn’t the kind of thing I wanted to know. But somehow the physical distance between us allowed me to avoid laying the blame for some actions – such as those – on my own shoulders. This was a life she was creating for herself without my enabling. I could hope for better, and offer advice and support, but I knew I could not save her. That was a great relief to realize. True, I hadn’t forgiven myself for being unable to save her from herself in the past, but for the first time since I was 16 years old I was no longer taking the martyr position, or assuming the role of savior. If Mara was going to head along this downward spiral, I’d try to help, but there wasn’t much I could do.

Let's Take Something Terrific...and Ruin It!

2010-02-26T03:45:00Z

Look, I love movies. You know that by now. I love great movies, silly movies, funny movies, cheesy movies, classic movies…even a few TERRIBLE movies. And because Heather and I try to see as many films as we can in the theater instead of just watching them at home, we know we’re both sort of out of step with the modern-day movie-goer. CGI images can really distract me. Transforming robots do nothing for me. Avatar may be the greatest visual film in history, but if I want to watch Dancing With Wolves I’ll watch the original. For me, the story is primary (except in rare occasions where it is a combination of story and visual, such as Yellow Submarine). Does it make me think? Does it make me cry? Does it make me laugh? Does it frighten me? Is it interesting enough so that I don’t know EXACTLY how it will end 15 minutes in?

It is also no secret that Hollywood is devoid of ideas. And the financial side of moviemaking has changed what does and does not work. These days a terrible action film with almost no dialogue – and what there is, clichéd and robotic – is more likely to be globally successful. So the plot and the dialogue has less and less importance. Finding quality films with original ideas and great acting is harder and harder to do. Fortunately, I still have older movies I can turn back to when the latest releases leave me bored.

I think it is the fact that these old releases remain unknown to the modern-day public is why I find the non-stop stream of remakes to be so sinful (for lack of a better word). Yes, I know; today’s generation would find a hundred reasons not to want to enjoy an old Hitchcock film, or the original Dirty Harry, or Bridge Over the River Kwai. But I just don’t get it. If you want to remake a movie, fine, go ahead. But do you have to make such a TERRIBLE remake? One so wrenchingly awful that NOBODY who is first exposed to the film with the remake would EVER want to take the time to see the original?

Look, you want to remake Godzilla? Go ahead. The original requires a certain connection to your childhood to enjoy it. Want to do another modern retelling of The Taming of the Shrew under a different name? Have fun. Want to take a terrible movie like Point Break, remake it as The Fast and the Furious, and then remake THAT? Fine, they all suck, go nuts. But do you have to ruin good, or great, films?

Yes, this is a simple bitch-fest. So allow me, if you will, to give a short list of examples of films I wish they never had remade (or wish they would cancel plans to remake, depending on the individual film itself).

The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 – Classic Walter Matthau and a fitting tribute to the NY Transit System becomes another John Travolta abomination.

The Bad News Bears – Does Hollywood hate Matthau for some reason? Did he owe a lot of people money when he died or something? Nobody can replace his Buttermaker.

The Birds – Hitchcock should be off limits.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – I don’t care if Roald Dahl’s widow says he didn’t like the original musical. For kids at that time, it was magical. So leave the damn thing alone. Gene Wilder during his best years.

Clash of the Titans – The cheese factor is big in this one, but that’s the way I prefer it.

Flight of the Phoenix – Why did they even bother? Gonna remake The Dirty Dozen next? Ooops, guess what…they are. When they decide to remake The Great Escape, I will go postal.

Footloose – Yes, it is a goofy 80’s movie. So what? Just leave it be.

Fun With Dick and Jane – It wasn’t worth remaking really, so why bother?

The In-Laws – Sacrilege. Arkin and Falk cannot be remade. Take perfection, and dump feces all over it. Thanks.

The Longest Yard – A fun and original movie becomes yet another vehicle for the least talented man in Hollywood.

The Manchurian Candidate – What a waste of time. Just makes me ill. The original is still under-appreciated.

Planet of the Apes – As goofy as the later films were, they actually built them all into a semi-coherent story arc. But the first film…it never gets old.

Psycho – See “The Birds.”

Sabrina – This wasn’t a total disaster…just taking a great film and turning it into a boring one.

Romancing the Stone – Is Hollywood completely out of comedic ideas?

Meatballs – There is NO way any remake can have the fun and the quirky hilarity of the original. Low-budget, cast with unknowns (except Bill Murray), and captured the feeling of summer camp perfectly. I wish the remake all the success of Caddyshack 2.

Back to School – Let’s take one of Rodney’s best movies, and redo it as a vehicle for Cedric the Entertainer. This is like watching “The Big Picture” and seeing Kevin Bacon’s film turned from a black-and-white character study into “Beach Nuts.” Rodney and Sam Kinneson are cursing the Earth from hell, or wherever they are now.

Arthur and 10 – I guess they were just waiting until Dudley Moore’s corpse was cold.

Rosemary’s Baby – You have got to be kidding me. This is STILL a tremendous movie, forgetting the fact that Roman Polanski directed it. There is NO reason to remake it. ZERO. STOP!!

Hellraiser – I don’t have quite the same problem with remaking horror films, although I still believe the original Halloween and Friday the 13^th are far superior. These days the remakes just throw blood and brain matter everywhere. No more fear.

Red Dawn – Not sure how we can remake this, unless we replace the Russians and Cubans with the Chinese. But why bother? The original is fun, and filled with young stars.

Yellow Submarine – I wish I was dead. A psychedelic journey into a magical world, enjoyed by adults and children alike. Does Sony need the money so badly?

Charade – They changed the name to The Truth About Charlie, but that still doesn’t change the pointless destruction this remake did of a fabulous movie. If you’ve never seen Charade, the latest DVD versions have much better sound quality then the old VHS releases.

True Grit – This is one I am almost willing to give a chance to, if only because the Coen Brothers are doing it. I’m willing to admit their take may be - at least - interesting.

What about you? Any least-favorite remakes (released or planned)?

Produced By.....

2010-02-26T03:44:00Z

When it comes to music, I am a liner note reader (which could be one of the many reasons I want the physical CD or other medium in my hand, rather than just downloading the songs). I get an odd pleasure from seeing connections between one release and another. Sometimes they are in completely different genres, or 30 years apart. But you recognize a rhythm section, or the feel of a particular producer, or the lyrical style of a songwriter. It can be obvious, or I can turn out to be completely wrong. And sometimes obscure facts come to me years later. Adrian Belew helped write “Oh Daddy” off of “Rumors”? Who is that singing background vocals on this song? Gary Wright contributed keyboards to George Harrison’s Cloud 9 album?

For whatever reason, I’ve been mentally building a great appreciation for the diverse production skills of two “studio genius” types in the last 12 months: Todd Rungdren and Jerry Harrison. I’ll buy a CD, enjoy it, and realize the production is similar in some ways to something else…then lo and behold, discover that it was produced by a familiar name.

Jerry Harrison is of course best known for his work with The Talking Heads, and that was where he learned his production chops. It’s impossible to determine, in a collective setting like that, how much influence one person has over the final product, and in this case you also have the strong personality of David Byrne to deal with. But a quick look at some of the other work Harrison has done beyond the scope of The Talking Heads or his solo projects reveals just how terrific the results can be when he is teamed with a musical act he doesn’t butt heads with (always the danger of trying to act as producer). In his position as producer, Harrison has helped a number of artists create their best work (and occasionally their only successful releases). There are obscure acts like the one-shot “super-group” Neurotic Outsiders, or the one-hit wonders Crash Test Dummies (Harrison produced their only successful album God Shuffled His Feet). You’ll find his name on work from No Doubt, the Pat McGee Band, the Violent Femmes, and Kenny Wayne Shepherd. My favorite production projects by him have to be his albums with Live (notably Throwing Copper and The Distance to Here), The Raw and the Cooked by The Fine Young Cannibals, Villains by The Verve Pipe, and I’d Rather Eat Glass by Bijou Phillips (youngest daughter of Papa John Philips). And I still consider Outside Looking In by The BoDeans to be their finest album, due in large part to the open, acoustic feel Harrison painted across the songs.

On the other hand, Todd Rungdren’s work should be much more familiar to you. From his first production work – The Great Speckled Bird’s self-titled album, Rungdren has found himself at the helm of a number of albums which are considered either the best of an artist, or the most commercially successful (or both). And his choice of projects is widely varied. In terms of commercial success, there’s We’re an American Band and Shinin’ On by Grand Funk, two albums that stand the test of time and helped move the band forward from a three-piece to a full-sounding four piece (with the addition of the great Craig Frost on keyboards, who later created the magical piano work on most of Bob Seger’s best known songs). Then there’s the original Bat Out of Hell by Meat Loaf. For my generation, that’s an album hard to tire of. Rungdren worked during the difficult late-Apple Records period with Badfinger, producing their third album and two songs off their fourth before giving up. From the debut album by the New York Dolls to progressive Steve Hillage’s album “L” you can find his handiwork. And let us not forget Skylarking by XTC and Forever Now by The Psychadelic Furs. Not everything Rungdren touches turns to gold, but many are regarded as classics or the band’s personal favorites (Next Position Please by Cheap Trick and Remote Control by The Tubes are excellent examples). Again, I’m leaving out all his solo work and Utopia albums, because they’re obvious.

So the next time you’re enjoying a CD, read through the liner notes, and make a note of the songwriters, musicians, and producers. Maybe you’ll see some loose ends begin to tie together. I’d love to hear comments from ES readers, either on these examples or on their own favorite industry names (musicians, producers, songwriters, etc.)

Fire and Rain - Part Three

2010-02-26T03:42:00Z

After much arguing and discussing and threatening between herself and her family, Mara agreed to fly down to Florida (where her parents were living, or soon moving to – the exact circumstance escapes me). There she would become a short-term inpatient, followed by a longer-term outpatient, with yet another mental health facility. Mara didn’t seem interested in the program itself, nor in moving to Florida. But she knew that living with her sister was no longer going to be an option. Living with her parents would be even less tolerable. So, in some ways, this plan to enter the program would serve one purpose for her (as she wasn’t going to get anything out of the mental health aspect with the attitude she was carrying, and her past history): it would give her time to figure out what she would do about living somewhere.

The company I was working for at the time had a 1-800 number, so when she could Mara would call me on that. But I didn’t hear much of her for a month or so. The calls I did get were either simply calls looking for a friendly voice, or crying requests that she and I live together again, if only for a short time while she figured out what her next move would be. I just couldn’t see any logical reason for her to come back to Dallas. On the off chance that she was going to receive any support – financially or emotionally – from her family, moving back to Dallas would be the kiss of death. After all, I was (in their eyes) the person responsible for all of her problems. I was the one who turned her into the crazed adult she was now, instead of the happy child they remembered (funny that Mara never remembered being happy as a child). Plus, I was trying to move on with my life, to make this on-again-off again relationship with my girlfriend Andrea either work or gather enough strength to end it once and for all. So on these emotional occasions, I was forced to turn a deaf ear to her cries for help, and tell her that it wouldn’t be good for either of us. Like it or not, she was stuck in Florida.

Eventually Mara was switched to outpatient status, but was lucky enough to make use of some kind of apartment facility they had for the initially discharged patients. It was during this time that I heard about some new man in her life. Mara wouldn’t give me a lot of details, but apparently they met in the program and now were attempting to conduct some clandestine relationship (as it would be against the rules of the facility). He was recovering from drug addiction, and had other skeletons in his closet that Mara hadn’t felt comfortable revealing to me yet. But she wasn’t lonely, and felt loved. I didn’t see any real hope in the relationship, at first glance, but I’d managed to remove myself from the day-to-day structure of what she did and who she did it with that I didn’t find myself having nightmares or losing sleep over it. Yes, I was bothered; but in the back of my mind I was still looking at the time Mara was spending on this planet as temporary. Eventually – I was convinced – she’d kill herself…almost as if she was battling cancer and eventually it was going to eat her up inside. It was just a question of when.

It was at about this time that I decided I needed to approach Mara about a divorce. I no longer had any health insurance, so the main reason we had been staying married was gone. I was providing some financial support, $400 or $500 a month, and she had her disability payments as well. I told her I would continue to give her money as I was able, since I was making a lot less than I used to (this was after I’d lost my job in the series of events that would eventually lead me to prison a few years later). With the potential for lawsuits against me, this was not entirely selfish on my part…I feared that if one of her relatives died, and we were still married, any inheritance she received could be somehow at risk. And eventually one of us was going to want to get married again…I wasn’t planning on that on my end, but already Mara and her boyfriend had an eye to the future.

The divorce itself was very simple, since we had no children and basically no assets of value. I filed the divorce and sent a copy to Mara, with a return envelope for her to acknowledge receipt of the filing. The divorce paperwork simply stated we would no longer be married (I think grounds, if any, were abandonment), and that we accepted the fact that whatever personal property we now had in our possession was ours. There was no financial support to be given (not legally required anyway; Mara knew I was going to help her when I could). I had a few things in my storage unit which Mara wanted or considered hers, none with any monetary value. I agreed to hold them and care for them until such time that she could have me send them somewhere. (Funny, thinking of that reminds me of when Mara was leaving for her sister’s house for the final time, and her entire family seemed outrageously concerned that she be sure to “get the silverware” we’d been given as wedding gifts…silverware we had used once. It was always about money for them, never about emotion).

I handled everything from my end, overnighting paperwork to Mara when necessary with prepaid envelopes to send things back. Mara signed a decree that she did not with to appear or contest the divorce, and that she agreed with the terms. I waited a month or so for my court date to show up, and drove to a building in Waxahachie which was serving as the courthouse at the time. Sitting in the back of the courtroom, I could hear the two cases that took place before mine. These were very angry people, arguing over kids, money, cars…so much hatred in their voices. Relatives from both sides getting up to claim the other side of the marriage was Satan or Typhoid Mary. It reminded me of my parents, and how badly things ended there. The poor kids; I knew they’d suffer for the mistakes of these parents.

Finally it was my turn. I went up, handed the clerk the paperwork, and waited. The judge asked some questions, basically confirming the information on the pages. “Mara Kent is not here today?” “You have no children together?” “No major assets, property, real estate?” “Is there any hope for reconciliation?” Five minutes later it was done.

I walked out into the afternoon sun, and I felt completely empty and hollow. It was as if the universe had just officially declared my relationship with Mara, and all the years that went into it, a complete failure. I hadn’t expected to be upset by the divorce process. It was clean, easy, and inexpensive (the forms cost me about $80, and no lawyers were involved). We’d been apart for a few years, and this divorce was merely a formality; it was simply a question of when we bothered to go through the motions. Once I’d lost my health insurance, there wasn’t any real reason to stay married.

I went back to work and shuffled through the rest of the day, dispatching drivers and confirming details of jobs for the next day. I was sort of a zombie. My boss and friend Patty asked me how I felt, and I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t feel. I was just empty.

After work I considered going across the street to Coyotes and having a few drinks. But I didn’t want to see anybody. Andrea and I were in a short “off-again” stage, so I wasn’t going to answer the phone if she called. I drove the four blocks to my apartment, walked slowly up the stairs, and went inside.

I looked around. The living room was nearly empty; I had no sofa, as my old one would not fit through the door, and it had smelled terrible when I pulled it out of storage. There was no “living” going on there. I filled the cat bowls in the kitchen, and gave them fresh water. Tigger whined a hello, as always, and Whisper and Footy rubbed against me as they made their way to their meal. Their companionship was a bit reassuring, but it wasn’t making me feel like anything was right. Everything just felt wrong, and out of place.

The bedroom and the kitchen were the only two rooms left, and that’s where I spent my time. I got undressed, and tried to find some music to listen to. Nothing fit, nothing sounded right. I just climbed into bed and pulled the comforter over my head. One of the cats, probably Whisper, clawed at it, and then laid down beside me. It wasn’t completely dark out yet, but in my cave it was black. I was alone, and the world would never be the same again. I realized then that the marriage hadn’t simply ended, or been declared over by a court document. It had died. It was dead. Despite not seeing Mara since 1999 – three years earlier – life support had kept it alive. Now, it was cold and stiff; a corpse.

So I did the only thing that came naturally: I lay in bed and grieved. And after a mountain of sobs into my pillow, I cried myself to sleep.

Fire and Rain - Part Two

2010-02-26T03:40:00Z

As Mara began to lose weight, my own life was facing major stress. Work was a nightmare; I had left a job where I was busting my ass 60 or more hours a week, and was now making more money but with nearly the same hours, and much more daily stress. I was drinking more than I wanted to, my relationship with my girlfriend seemed to be going nowhere, and even with the additional income I wasn’t able to put anything in the bank. I’d developed a twitch in my eye, I was sleeping badly, and I left work every day feeling like I’d been punched in the stomach. Taking time off was out of the question, the business itself was slowly fading into obscurity, and the office was a constant firestorm of shouting matches and fits by the various owners. I’d gone to my doctor to see what he thought, and he simply put me on some type of antidepressant to combat a bit of the stress. I noticed no difference in my mood or my outlook on life. I was simply miserable.

At home I was paying all the bills while my girlfriend finished Cosmetology School, but I wasn’t feeling any appreciation for how I was treating her like a princess. Instead there was just the constant pressure of making ends meet. I was giving Mara money every month to help her out, as best as I could, and I still felt a tremendous emotional obligation to her. Whenever Mara called, either on my cell or my “private” home phone (because I didn’t want the two women in my life to go at each other), I would find time to listen to her, to laugh with her if we had something to laugh about, to tell her how the cats were doing…and most of all, to try and be as understanding as I could be when she told me about her problems and the complications of her life. I knew that, since her only other emotional support was coming from her family, she was in desperate need of someone who would listen instead of waving her feelings away like an annoying gnat.

As much as I had hoped for good news, whenever Mara called it was anything but. Her sexual and mental issues were reasserting themselves, and gaining strength. Yet she refused to discuss them with her family, especially her sister (whose basement she was living in). Mara’s sister was not ready to handle any mental issues; as it was they could barely get along with each other. They were always fighting over something: privacy issues, money, the lack of air conditioning in the basement, respect (or lack of it), thanks and appreciation (or lack of it). As sisters they had never gotten along anyway – they were VERY different personality types – and Mara living in the basement of her sister’s made her feel indebted in a way she was not happy with. Likewise, her sister felt that since Mara was living in her house, she had the right to boss Mara around when she wanted to. All in all it was an unhappy arrangement, and more than once Mara called me crying, asking if she could come back to Texas and live with me “just as roommates.” I found the strength to say no, but I always felt like such a piece of shit for doing it, even though I knew that if we were ever to live together again in any capacity it would lead to more of the same behavior patterns we’d dealt with: her self-destruction and by enabling. As guilty as everything about Mara made me feel, I wasn’t about to put myself through that wood chipper again.

The worst of Mara’s problems was the re-emergence of her inability to refuse sexual advances from men she encountered. The scars from years of sexual abuse she had suffered had never healed, and looking back I don’t think enough emphasis was ever put on them in her countless therapy sessions. Some of the blame for that could be placed on my shoulders, but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Keeping Mara going was hard enough…keeping her going on an upward trajectory was nearly impossible. Now that she had to do a lot of this on her own, it looked the spiral downward would resume; the better she got physically, the worse her life and mental state became.

Details from Mara were often sketchy, or perhaps I’ve blocked some of them out. I do remember when she confided to me that she’d begun sexual relations with one of the Handi-Ride bus drivers that took her to and from appointments. If they were alone in the bus, she’d often gratify his sexual urges one way or another. And while she tried to make light of it to me, as if it was something she chose to do in some sort of sexual reawakening, the mere fact that she even mentioned it was proof enough that she hated herself for what she was doing. But despite my suggestions that she try to get more therapy for these issues, Mara rejected the idea. Her sister had made it rather clear that if she was to suffer any kind of mental regression, Mara would have to find somewhere else to live. So Mara’s world of secrets and lies was reborn, the same world she lived in as a child and as an abuse victim. Not surprisingly, I became more miserable about her situation and my inability to do anything to help, except listen. In my mind, Mara was and always would be my responsibility…not just because I had accepted that position when we married, but also because her family (through actions rather than words) had always made it pretty clear that they preferred to rationalize her conditions and pretend everything was fine, unless they were thrust into a sudden crisis like her previous suicide attempt. And then, once out of the hospital, they’d go back to the stance that she was okay again. Their shifting of blame, directly and indirectly, onto my shoulders was always another red-not poker driven into my stomach, and my heart.

One day I received the phone call from Mara that I had been dreading; she was unsure where she would be living, but it wouldn’t be with her sister any longer. Apparently she had gotten upset and cut one of her thighs up. The cuts were small, and not deep, but quite numerous. As usual Mara tried to play it down as not a big deal, but the damage was done. As she called me, her sister was on the phone with her parents, and they conferring on what the next step should be with their troubled relative. I knew that moving in with her parents was completely out of the question. But they were holding their private little phone conference, deciding Mara’s fate, without asking for any input from her. I don’t know if she was in a position to offer anything but roadblocks, but it did hurt me to think that she had – once again – lost control of her life.

And, as I always did, I couldn’t help but think that if I’d stuck it out longer, and Mara and I were still together, maybe things would be better for her. Not necessarily for me, but at least for her.

Eternal Sunshine #38 Released - March 2010 Issue - Diplomacy Subzine

2010-02-25T01:55:00Z

Eternal Sunshine #38, the March 2010 issue, is now available. Among the usual foolishness, you can find:

Columns from Andy York, Paul Milewski, and Jack McHugh
The latest chapter of Fire and Rain
Jokes
Photos
Two new variant openings (including rules and maps)
Letters
Hypothetical Questions
More of the Movie Quote Contest
The Baseball Prediction contest
and lots more!

You can find the pdf version in the Eternal Sunshine Yahoo group at:

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/eternal_sunshine_diplomacy/

or both the pdf and html versions at:

http://www.whiningkentpigs.com/DW/

Check it out and make sure you send in some feedback!